Prompt: Lots of people have a particular song that reminds them of certain situations, I know I do! Embed the video of your particular song and a short recording of why you really like the song, or what makes it importatnt to you (I would recomend Soundcloud for this assignment! Have fun!!
This is a 3.5 star assignment.
At the end of April, the week before finals, my dad died. It was sudden. I remember sitting at home. It was late at night and I was working on a final research paper. My mom tried to call but I didn’t answer because I was on a time crunch to get the work done. Then, she texted me: “Kelly. Your dad just died.” What a crazy way to find out that your parent has just died. That night, I dropped everything to become the point of contact in my city for everything going on with my dad. My parents were divorced and dad never remarried, so it fell to me and my two older brothers to handle things. Unfortunately, they live in another state. At 12am, I was out, driving to the nursing home where dad died, trying to get there before the funeral home arrived to remove him from the facility. It was a close call, but I was able to see him right before they took him away. It was a difficult moment. I’m not over it. My eyes are tearing up while I type this. At the time, I couldn’t figure out why everyone wanted me to rush down there that night. My aunt was already there with my cousin. They were the ones who called the funeral home. And they even had some of dad’s effects in hand. To be honest, none of it made sense. Why was everyone in such a hurry?
Later, at the funeral home, after the whirlwind of planning a funeral and burial, my family finally gathered together at the private viewing. I was shocked. Dad didn’t look like dad at all. I didn’t even think I was in the right place. But my oldest brother was there, and they had dad’s name on the tv screen above the pulpit, so it must have been him. The fact that it didn’t really look like dad made the whole thing rather comical. It made it easy for me to disconnect my pain from the actuality of what was happening. In many ways, it helped. At that time, I was so thankful that I had seen dad before he went to the funeral home. I received something my brothers didn’t get. I got to see him as I remembered him. And I got to say goodbye to him even though he was already gone.
During the planning, one of the things I had to do was create a program for the funeral. My brothers gave input as needed. Finally, we needed a song to play along with a slideshow during the public viewing. My second oldest brother chose the song, His Eye Is On The Sparrow, by Lauryn Hill and Tanya Blount. So, that was what we listened to during the viewing.
So, why did I choose this song?
My dad was laid to rest a couple days after the viewing. I have not listened to His Eye Is On The Sparrow since then. Even in creating this blog post, I didn’t listen to it. I might not listen to it for many years unless it happens to come on the radio one day. I don’t have any desire to hear it. And, honestly, the grief comes in waves. Not so much now as it did during that first month. Not as much as when we were planning, cleaning out his house, going through his effects, and just trying to figure this stuff out. But it still comes now and again. Things were troubled with me and my dad. With everyone and my dad, really. It was tough to love him, but I loved him anyway. Maybe one day, someone will say the same thing about me. Much can change in the lifetime of a person.
I don’t know if there is a heaven, a hell, or some other magical afterlife place. But, wherever he is…if he is…I hope he is happy. I hope he is healthy. I hope he is loved.
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